Friday, January 21, 2011

Laziest Mom on Earth

I haven't blogged since October because I've been in a funk. (Uh oh.. true confession time!!) It's probably the first time in my life I've ever wished the holidays would just hurry up and get done. I lost my Christmas lights and didn't really care about getting anything for Christmas (two things I'm usually a fanatic about - my Christmas list and the lights - I know.. it's childish.) I did try to make sure the kids had a good Christmas, however. I tried to make sure they got equal doses of The Spirit and Retail. However, next year, as I say every year, we will have much more Spirit and much less Retail.

Now! For 2011!!

Since January came along I've had a little change of heart. We found out that we are expecting baby #4 and consequently decided to simplify our lives in a major, MAJOR way. In doing so, I have taken on several large projects. (Laugh it up... I know, I know.) Said projects will make my life easier, more manageable and keep me from thinking about vomiting every five minutes or what I should eat in between those five minutes while I'm pregnant. Mostly the projects involve organizing the house and fixing up things a bit. (New windows!!! yah!!!) But there's more than that.

I've built furniture, sewed clothes, thrown out loads of garbage (IE old toys and stuff my kids will never, ever miss!), fixed things, painted things and rooms and made good use of Craig's List in order to get rid of and update our furniture and electronics. I've also spent plenty of time on FaceBook being snarky and posting big ol' - Look How Cool I Am!! - photos and plans. Etc. It's been fun. But then the compliments start rolling in.

You are so amazing!!! I can't believe all you've done TODAY! Holy cow! How do you know how to use a jig saw!? What the heck is a jig saw?! Where do you get your energy?! You are my inspiration! I wish I was as cool a mom as you are! Etc. Etc. Etc.

While I love to share the things I'm excited about, and I blush gratefully at my friend's admiration, this kind of sweet praise makes me self-conscious. It also makes me think.. holy cow.. my friends don't know me at all!

So! In an effort to seem less ambitious than I have made myself seem to be I would like to confess a few things.

1. I never mop my floors. Unless there is a stickiness involved, it is a rule. I never mop my floors.

2. I don't do windows. Unless I absolutely need to see a bird or flower or child on the other side of one. They stay messy.

3. I don't' clean the bathrooms. My husband cleans the bathrooms and is teaching the kids to help. (He's a saint! Especially now when even if I had to clean them I couldn't.)

4. My kids routinely do the dishes for me. Yes, they are too young to reach the sink, but I see it as a character building exercise.

5. I've all but given up baking and cooking in favor of cold cereal and lunch meat. The kids are thrilled about this decision. It's a win win.

6. I hate doing laundry and wouldn't do it except for the fact that I keep running out of underwear and I really, really love my washer and dryer.

7. When I do the laundry I sort mostly by person so that I can throw their clothes in the wash, then to dry, then in their basket and then in their room where they can deal with them as they see fit. Which brings me to number eight...

8. My bedroom is messier than my kid's rooms. Even with all of their toys, mine is messier.

9. I have already broken my new years resolution to shower more. In fact, I think I've showered less this year, so far than I did January last year. I'm disgusting and I'm the first one to admit it. But when you spend all day in the shed or the school room where your kids are begging you to have it be "jammie day!!" what's the point?

10. My preferred method of filing is a pile on the floor. Can't miss the pile so I never lose my stuff!

There you have it folks! So the "amazing" things I post on FaceBook are pretty much the ONLY things I do worth posting. My motto is that my house looks this way to make you feel better about your house! It's a pretty good motto I think, especially since I really love my house and my family and I think we've settled into a nice little groove. Especially the part where my husband and son do the bathrooms.

But please don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't love things to be clean. Cleanliness is next to Godliness! I adore a clean house! I love going to my friend's houses where everything is spotless and in it's place! It's a happy feeling to be clean. It's just that I have a very, very hard time with things that have to be done over and over again, generally in the same fashion, only to be undone in a few hours and the process repeated. I really just hate it. And this pretty much covers all of the above ten items.

However, I do NOT like to wear shoes in the house and I hate grit on my bare feet so I do sweep and vacuum. (There! I'm not a complete domestic loss!) Also, I did study microbiology and we will never cross the line into filth. Our goal is sanitary. No dead animals in the house, wash your hands after you show mommy that wild/dead animal you found and we do wash the chicken poop off the eggs before we give them to the neighbors. That said, I've discovered that you can be sanitary with out things being picture perfect and here we are!

Anyway, this little post was just, as I said before, to make you feel better if, by chance, you don't know what a jig saw is or how to build your own outhouse. I bet you know how to sort laundry and I bet you lovingly iron your son's Sunday shirt. (Did I mention that I gave up ironing many, many years ago?) Please look to your strengths and celebrate them on FaceBook with me. I'm pretty good with a hammer and nails and that makes me happy. What are you good at?

Lots of love,
(no longer in a funk)

p.s. Being pregnant has nothing to do with any of this. Sad, I know. It's like this all the time! Maybe a tad bit amplified, but only a tad :)


Myrna Foster said...

Jenny, I haven't even been able to FIND my iron for almost a year. Spray bottles get wrinkles out too ;)

Congrats on baby #4! That is super duper exciting (coming from someone who would love to have a #4 or even #4 and #5--I think two for one would be awesome)!

Erin Isgett said...

One of the millions of things I love about you, keep it real :) We're all still super-impressed with your talents, though!

Kate said...

Jen, we are more alike than I thought. As I was reading your list I realized I sympathize with 9 out of the 10 and the only one I do (clean the bathrooms) is because my husband won't. Payton is getting better at it though ;) By the way having your kids do the dishes and help with other household chores makes you a good mom, that means they will know how to do it when they are older! Love you!

Christine said...

Congratulations Jen on #4!

I still think you're awesome for knowing how to use a jigsaw, even if you rarely use a mop or an iron:)

Amber said...

You are so refreshing to read, I love it. You need a daily column. I guess that is what facebook is though. Congrats on the babe and let me know when and if you need anything. Lots of loves from SoCal